


While you were on Asgard

by msxylda



Series: Barnes's Beginnings [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Namor the Sub-Mariner (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Emails, F/M, Multi, This is not what I intended, angsty, but hopefully it's funnier, but not really with Nat and Barnes, seriously, what have I done?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 12:50:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8102995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msxylda/pseuds/msxylda
Summary: Clint emails Darcy to let her know what happened between The Black Widow and The Winter Soldier while she was on Asgard... and can't help sneaking in some other stuff. Even though he promised her he'd stop mentioning it.
This didn't start out as an email, so there may be some mistakes... but it worked better this way, and then the other relationship happened and...
Why does nothing ever turn out like it should?
But what the heck I went and did my best...





	

From: theworldsgreatestmarksman@stark.net  
To: physicistwrangler@stark.net  
Subject: mostly classified gossip

Darce,

Have I mentioned how glad I am that you’re back from Asgard? Because I have a story I’ve been dying to tell someone and all the people I can tell already know. 

Hold onto your socks, because they’re about to be knocked off.

Ever since The Winter Solider had been recovered by Steve, Sam, and Nat then reprogrammed by Vision and Wanda, things had been… weird. Well, weirder than normal for a super hero team consisting of billionaire playboy philanthropists, two frozen and then defrosted super soldiers, a super spy assassin, two former air force fly boys, and girl given powers by a space gem, the sort of robot that had that space gem in his head, an alien prince, a rage monster who tended to take off when things got tense, and an archer.

So basically, off the charts weird.

Trust the archer.

But what really started to ping my weird-ar was the way The Winter Soldier was behaving any time he was in the same room as The Black Widow. See, when he was anywhere she wasn’t, he’d act normal. Pinocchio had become a real boy. Cap wept star spangled tears and they discussed how much better was when bread was a haypenny, or whatever the fuck it was…

Then Nat would enter a room and Barnes would just… shut down. Completely and totally silent, one hundred percent immobile, and akin to the Terminator Tony was constantly comparing him to.

Just… weird.

And it wasn’t like Nat didn’t notice. She was a super spy ninja assassin extraordinaire who gave Chuck Norris meme’s a run for their money. She obviously caught that Barnes turned off like a light switch. And it’s not like the rest of the team didn’t notice the way she would squint, huff, then turn on her heel and walk out.

Well, whenever she was able too.

She didn’t, like, leave any missions or anything. That would’ve been unprofessional. And Nat was… well she was unprofessional, but not in the way that left anyone in the lurch. So she put up with it on ops and then the subsequent debriefings.

Until Namor and the giant squid.

Turns out that Namor is an asshole. An epic asshole. Made Tony look like a boy scout cranked up higher than Steve grade asshole. And Namor decided that Nat was pretty and would make a good consort, or something. It was hard to tell, what with how fast shit went down. There was a hand on her ass and before she could crush every bone in his body, Barnes had shot him. Twice. In his wrist.

It was a glorious shot, of course, but it was also something of a political nightmare. So we were all pulled into a debrief that consisted of Fury pinching his nose, Hill yelling, and Coulson looking very put out while Nat and Barnes just starred at each other.

Just as Hill was finally running out of steam, Nat sat forward and slammed her hand down on the table.

“What the hell is your problem?” she growls

Barnes, cool as a cucumber replies, “did I shoot you?” Like the whole reason he’d been weird around her was because he couldn’t quite remember.

Nat actually spluttered- hand to god- before replying with, “um… yeah. On the bridge. When you shot at Steve and Sam.” Clearly trying to poke holes in his reasons for being so… fucked up.

“No,” he says, “before that.”

She looks to Steve, for some reason I don’t understand, but Cap is just watching them all wide eyed like this is the best thing he’s ever seen in his entire life. Which it obviously isn’t… 

He’s seen me before.

So Nat swallows, opens her mouth, shuts it again and just kind of nods. Just barely. Barnes squints, tips his head to the side, and asks “did we have sex after.”

Now, I thank Thor that Nat wasn’t drinking anything at the time. I’d already seen her do one splutter so a spit take probably would’ve shattered my fragile little mind (no comments from the peanut gallery). Of course they’ve never had sex.

OR SO I THOUGHT.

Right up until Nat nods again!

Now Barnes is nodding with her, his mouth and chin area doing this “uh huh, very interesting” thing before he goes and shatters my aforementioned fragile little mind by asking “want to start doing that again?”

It was at this point I actually took a sip of my coffee (the really awful kind they give you during debriefs, you remember? Nothing like Laura’s. Fuck I miss Laura’s coffee.) 

Nat glares at me, like this is all my fault before taking Barnes by the hand and sashaying from the room.

LEAVING ME TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING BECAUSE, OH YEAH, THEY HAD THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION IN RUSSIAN.

And I know for a fact that Coulson speaks Russian, so him leaving me to explain it was a really dick move. I guess that’s what I get for cock-blocking him with you, huh? 

In my defense, though, you do fit better with me and Laura. And the kids love you. Think you’ll be coming back home soon? We miss the fuck out of you.

And speaking of the fuck out of you… When I did explain the situation to the team, I sort of skirted the issue… Implying that they’d just gone to work things out. Because, seriously, you do not want to be the one sharing The Black Widow’s business. The thing was, they’re not fucking quiet when they fuck. 

So there we are, back at the mansion enjoying some well-earned calamari (Tony was trying to regain his title of world’s biggest super hero asshole) when there is this noise like a rabid jungle cat in heat tearing up a padded room. 

Everyone freaked out and went to rush to Nat and Barnes’s aid, right until Steve said “oh” with this real puzzled look on his face. Then he says “ooooohhhhhh” for about a minute, nods, and starts stuffing his face again. So the team figures if Cap’s not worried, then it’s all good so they sit back down.

Finally, like thirty minutes later Nat saunters out into the kitchen, loads up a plate with way too much food and goes disappear again without saying a word. She totally ignores Tony throwing questions at her like a fucking fanboy, only acknowledging Steve’s knowing look with a smirk.

Seriously, cat that got the cream look was in full effect.

When she finally makes it back to the door way, she just throws over her shoulder “sorry about the noise. Barnes is a screamer.”

And Steve just mutters under his breath “did not miss that.”

At which point Tony passed out.

It was… it was glorious.

Not as glorious as watching you and Laura, but since I still don’t know when you’re coming home (hint hint) I’ve had to make do.

Seriously, Darce, I miss you. Six months in space is too damn long. Next time, you’re taking the rest of the family with you…. Even if we have to get Thor to perform that weird ass Asgardian ceremony he keeps “threatening” me with.

Like I’m the one not ready to commit to you…

Which is bullshit, and I know I told you I’d stop bringing it up… but… please come home.

I love you.

I miss you.

And I have to listen to Nat bragging about her sex life…

Take pity on me, Darce.

-Your HotGuy,   
Hawkeye.

* * *

From: physicistwrangler@stark.net  
To: theworldsgreatestmarksman@stark.net  
Subject: Re:mostly classified gossip

Clint, 

I’m already at the farm… idiot. I had Thor drop me here, after I explained … everything. He’s sorry, by the way. We’re just waiting on you to get your ass back home.

Darcy.

P.S. Leave Nat this time… we don’t want to scare the kids…


End file.
